She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
