; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
