New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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