So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
