OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
