Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
