Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
