That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
