I'll bet she douches with gravy.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
