you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
