It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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