So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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