had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
