Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
