Got a toothbrush?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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