You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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