one might say we're banned from that church
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
