I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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