So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
