so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
