The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
