You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
