M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
