We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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