dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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