I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
should my penis look like a turkey
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
ttyl tear gas
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
