How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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