peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
