I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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