so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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