Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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