so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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