I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You don't make any sense
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