dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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