I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
