She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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