i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
