Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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