dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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