So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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