I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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