3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Boobs are out for the taking
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
