your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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