Tell her she can't have a vagina
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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