brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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