I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
