There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
