Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
