I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
