We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
