How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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