I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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