that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
