does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
