those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
